When people think about domestic abuse, physical violence is often the first thing that comes to mind. However, there are many types of abuse, many of which leave no visible scars. Emotional abuse is one of the most pervasive yet misunderstood forms of domestic abuse. It can be subtle, insidious, and long-lasting, often undermining a person’s sense of self-worth, independence, and safety.
At AFG Law, we believe that emotional abuse is not only real but also deeply damaging, and it is legally recognised as a form of domestic abuse under the law.
Can Domestic Abuse be Emotional?
Domestic abuse can take many forms, including physical or sexual violence. Domestic abuse can also be emotional. In fact, emotional abuse is a common thread that runs through many cases of domestic abuse. It involves a pattern of behaviour that chips away at a person’s emotional and psychological well-being.
Emotional abuse can include verbal abuse, constant criticism, manipulation, isolation, threats to hurt, intimidation, or making a person feel worthless or afraid.
The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 recognises emotional abuse, including coercive and controlling behaviour as a criminal offence. This marks a significant shift in how abuse is understood in our legal system. It affirms that victims do not need to show evidence of physical harm to be protected under the law.
Emotional abuse can occur in any intimate or familial relationship and may affect people of any gender, age, or background.
What is Emotional Abuse?
Emotional abuse is a form of psychological mistreatment where one person uses words, behaviours, or tactics to manipulate, maintain power and control, frighten, or undermine another person’s emotional well-being.
Unlike physical abuse, emotional abuse doesn’t leave visible marks, but it can be just as damaging. This type of abuse often leads to long-term mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.
Common signs of emotional abuse include:
- Constant criticism or humiliation
- Gaslighting – making the victim doubt their memory, perception, or sanity
- Controlling behaviour – such as monitoring social activity, finances, or movements
- Isolation – cutting off a person from friends and family
- Threats or intimidation – the abuser may threaten to hurt or abandon the victim
- Blaming and guilt-tripping – shifting responsibility onto the victim for the abuser’s actions
- Withholding affection or communication – using silence or rejection as punishment
What is Coercive Control?
Coercive control is a form of emotional abuse where the perpetrator uses a pattern of behaviours to dominate and isolate the victim. Rather than focusing on individual incidents, coercive control looks at the cumulative impact of ongoing psychological manipulation.
Examples of coercive control include:
- Monitoring or restricting phone use, finances and how a partner spends their time
- Isolating them from friends, family, or support networks
- Repeatedly putting them down or belittling them
- Threatening harm to themselves, the victim, children, or pets
- Enforcing rules and punishments that create fear or dependency
This form of abuse is often described as “invisible chains” because it limits the victim’s freedom without overt physical violence. Victims may find themselves constantly walking on eggshells, afraid of triggering the next episode of rage, guilt-tripping, or punishment.
Under the Serious Crime Act 2015, coercive control became a criminal offence in England and Wales, with potential penalties of up to five years in prison.
What is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a psychological tactic where an abuser manipulates a victim into doubting their own perceptions, memories, or sanity. The term originates from the 1944 film Gaslight, in which a husband systematically manipulates his wife into thinking she’s going mad.
In a domestic abuse context, gaslighting may include:
- Denying events ever happened (“That never happened, you’re imagining things.”)
- Questioning the victim’s memory or judgment (“You’re too sensitive.”)
- Blaming the victim for the abuse (“You made me do it.”)
- Twisting facts to make the victim feel unstable or confused
Over time, gaslighting can erode a person’s self-confidence and make them dependent on their abuser for a sense of reality. This makes it harder for victims to leave the relationship, as they may believe they are incapable of functioning independently.
What is Stonewalling?
Another lesser-known form of emotional abuse is stonewalling. This involves deliberately shutting down communication as a way to control or punish a partner. This can look like giving the “silent treatment,” refusing to answer questions, or physically leaving during a conflict without explanation.
Whilst taking a break from conflict can be healthy in some relationships, stonewalling becomes abusive when it is used regularly to assert power or cause emotional pain. The victim may feel rejected, dismissed, or invalidated. This can deepen emotional distress and reinforce dependency on the abuser.
The Impact of Emotional Abuse
Unfortunately, being in an emotionally abuse relationship can have profound and long-lasting consequences for victims. Victims often experience:
- Chronic anxiety or depression
- Low self-esteem and self-doubt
- Difficulty making decisions
- Feelings of helplessness or hopelessness
- PTSD or complex trauma symptoms
Children who witness emotional abuse may also suffer developmental harm, behavioural issues, or long-term emotional difficulties.
It is important to remember that emotional abuse rarely happens in isolation. It may escalate over time and can be a precursor to physical violence.
What Should You do if You Experience Emotional Abuse?
If you or someone you know is experiencing emotional abuse, you are not alone, and you do not have to suffer in silence. Confiding in a trusted friend, family member, or professional can help you feel supported and less isolated. Choose someone who will listen without judgement and validate your experiences.
If you are not ready to speak to someone you know, there are confidential support services available, such as Women’s Aid or the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
You may also wish to establish a safety plan. Although leaving the situation is ideal in many cases, it is not always immediately possible or safe. A safety plan can include:
- Identifying safe places to go in an emergency
- Keeping important documents and essentials ready
- Memorising emergency numbers
- Creating a code word with someone you trust to signal you need help
If you are still living with your abuser, avoid confronting them about their behaviour in ways that might escalate risk.
If you are in immediate danger or feel threatened, call the police on 999. You do not have to wait until physical violence occurs. Emotional abuse, especially if it involves coercive control, threats, or harassment, may amount to a criminal offence under the law.
If you are unable to speak when calling 999, you can use the Silent Solution System by pressing 55 when prompted. This lets the operator know it is an emergency.
Finally, you may also wish to speak to a solicitor to find out how you could be protected from your abuser under the law.
How can the Law Help Victims of Emotional Abuse?
Thanks to recent legal reforms, victims of emotional abuse are increasingly protected under the law. The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 defines domestic abuse as including:
- Physical or sexual abuse
- Violent or threatening behaviour
- Controlling or coercive behaviour
- Economic abuse
- Psychological, emotional, or other abuse
These protections apply regardless of gender or sexual orientation and extend to both intimate partners and family members.
Victims can apply for, Domestic Abuse Protection Orders, Non Molestation Orders and Occupation orders. They may also seek support through the criminal justice system. Family courts now also consider the impact of emotional abuse when deciding on issues such as child custody and contact arrangements.
How AFG Law Can Help
At AFG Law, we understand how complex and overwhelming it can be to live with emotional abuse. Many victims feel trapped and unsure of what is happening. They may be unsure as to whether their situation “counts” as abuse, or what their rights are.
Our experienced family law solicitors can:
- Help you understand if your experiences amount to emotional abuse
- Assist in obtaining protective orders
- Support you through divorce or child arrangement proceedings
We take a compassionate, client-centred approach and will always work at your pace. Your safety and well-being are our top priorities.
If you have any further questions regarding emotional abuse or if you require legal advice on domestic abuse, please call 01204 920 100 to speak with AFG Law’s expert family and domestic violence team, who can support you in all aspects of family law.
Alternatively, you can email one of the team members at familysolicitor@afglaw.co.uk.